The obvious stuff -- well thats obvious.  Everyone should be effected by September 11.  I am not so naive to think that everyone is; but honestly, unless you live in a cardboard box, have no family and are one angry at the world human being...it shouldn't take much effort to relate to the pain 9/11 caused the victims.  Be them survivors or family or friends.  Either way, when I had to stop and think about what made a difference this anniversary more than the others (especially when, duely noted, that myself and my loved ones were physically unharmed and safe despite the ordeal) I realized a couple of things 1) I am emotional and 2) I feel that its too easy to forget.

 

I am emotional.  I could blame it on hormones (Abby isn't a year old yet so I am sure there are still some floating around in there) but I rather think its the pure effect of HAVING another baby and realizing how much they depend on you, and how easily someone or something can rip that from you.  I realized that much of the fear and anger and saddness I was feeling yesterday was a repeat of how I felt in 2001.  My boys were 7 and not quite 10 years old at the time.  They were at school (in fact so was I so I didn't hear about most of the days events until after the fact) and every part of me wanted to go and rip them out of their classrooms and just hold them.  (Anyone who has kids, especially boys, knows that at those ages....holding is NOT an opiton!)  I cried for every parent that lost a baby that day...be it a child or an adult.  I cried for every child that lost a parent.  I was angry that someone would have the audacity to hurt people like that.  I was fearful that around every corner we would experience an attack. 

 

I am still angry.  I am still saddened.  And honestly, I am still fearful.  I have gained the same complacency that most of the country has regarding terrorist attacks.  We had so many "reports" of possible action, and so many terrorist threat level changes that I feel like its nothing less than crying wolf.  So now what happens when the real attacks come again....and they will.  Crazy people (and I know crazy people) don't give up.  I am fearful that in our complacency we will lose touch with the reality of our losses that day.  These are not things we should only remember once a year. 

 

I visited a tribute page http://www.legacy.com/Sept11.asp  and read numerous articles about the events of that day and the events scheduled for the memorials services.  It was like I was watching a train wreck; I just kept pouring over the information when I already knew the painful outcome.  And I cried.  I thought about all these people who lost loved ones with no one having to stand accountable.  As I read names off the site, and saw entire families wiped out -- Dad, Mom, children -- at the hands of people who felt righteous and holy for their actionsit angered me beyond words.  And yet.... September 11 is still not a national holiday.  And yet.... Bin Laden is still at large and making threats.  And yet....we are losing our young men and womenin a war in a country that has openly stated they no longer want our "assistance."  And yet....we go on with our yesterdays, our todays and our tomorrows...

 

I am all for healing.  I am all for moving on.  I am not at all for forgetting.